RetroLove

My estimated due date would make me due August 16th, 2011. I am so nervous about all of this. One day I feel like I’m pregnant, feeling sick, and the next nothing. Last night I told Tim I felt the urge to take another test just to make sure its still in there. lol No signs of anything wrong yet. Keeping fingers crossed I have no issues. I know if I do I have a support system to get me through it all. My wonderful mom made my first doctors appointment for January 13th, 2011, right in between Tim (1-11) and my birthday (1-17). I’ll be 10 weeks by then so hopefully we’ll see a heartbeat and get to see a little picture. :) I still cannot believe all of this is happening. My aunts bought me two books the other day. I’ve already pretty much read all of What to Expect When You’re Expecting. I was going to read one week at a time but got sucked into reading everything. We are so excited for all of this. I count the days until I get to see our little peanut flickering on the screen in front of us. :) 29 days! I’m so ready for x-mas too! 10 days :) This weekend we’re going to see Tim’s family in Missouri. I think only his aunt knows but I’m nervous to see what all of them say. It’ll be the first time I meet any of them. ah! Wish me luck! Today I left my purse at home so thank god aunt Cathy is bringing me lunch because I’m starvin like marvin here at work.

Yesterday, we made it official by going to the doctors. After long awaiting the results about an hour later a tiny little woman who went up to Tim’s belly button came in and congratulated me on my first pregnancy. :) I am so excited. Pearl Jam came on both of our favorite radio stations leaving the doctors office, so i took it as a sign. But after hearing everyone’s pregnancy complication horror stories, I’m really praying for a smooth ride. This may sound weird but my stomach feels like its constantly growling under my belly button. The doctor explained its just my uterus stretching out and everything starting to rearrange for the baby. Other then the weird feelings, smells have already been driving me insane. Food, that we’ve already ate, smells linger and make me feel sick. Hopefully this doesn’t last the whole entire time. This only thing that settles my stomach is spicccccyyy food :) volcano nachos with jalapenos and quesadillas with extra sauce from taco bell. yum. My boobs feel huge already as well. That’s something the boyfriend is looking forward too lol I’m looking forward to getting books and enjoying this every step of the way. :) Tim is so supportive and excited. I just pray it stays that way the entire time. He even drove me to work in the snow today because he was worried about me being safe. :) God forbid something happens I know my family will be there to support me every step of the way. I’m already exhausted I can’t wait until its 100 degrees in July and I’m 8 months pregnant floating around in the pool or hanging out in the meat locker we like to call my aunts house. :) This no caffeine is going to be the hardest part of the whole experience. Good thing I love water and juice :) I’m done rambling I’m going to pretend to work, eat my little bag of chili cheese fritos, and fantasize about Jimmy Johns opening and delivering me a sandwich in 2 hours. yum!

sometimes i wish i knew what i was supposed to do with my life. sometimes i wish you were born with a road map. a map to happiness and adventure and to all the right choices. i don’t want to wonder through life with the days bleeding from one unmemorable day to the next. i don’t want to wake up in 50 years wondering what happened to my life but i don’t know what to do next. i know college is the next step but i don’t want to waste my time and money without direction and i know to some people that makes me seem unsuccessful but you only live once. and i don’t want to waste the little time, whether it be tomorrow or 70 years from now, that i have left.

i just don’t know what to do. i need someone to show me the way. 

the past has come and gone. the futures far away. well now only lasts for a second, one second.